Washington Lawyer - January/February 2025 - 48

A SLICE OF WRY
'A Little List'
By Paul Kiernan
N
ot that long ago, Americans
shared a common body
of knowledge. People knew
their Bible, some Shakespeare,
probably " Casey at the
Bat. " And Gilbert and Sullivan.
The melodic, satirical light operas of Sir William
Gilbert (1836-1911) and Sir Arthur Sullivan
(1842-1900) were performed and celebrated
throughout the English-speaking world. People
knew the songs and lyrics and plotlines. Most
recently, Lin-Manuel Miranda paid homage by
giving George Washington a line in Hamilton,
in which Washington describes himself as the
" model of a modern major-general, " referencing
Gilbert and Sullivan's Pirates of Penzance.
Lawyers in particular gravitated to the Victorian
duo because so much of their work spoofed the
ways of the law and lawyers. Gilbert and Sullivan's
works overflow with legalisms, judges, peculiar
laws, circumlocutions, criminals, policemen,
and even a Lord High Executioner who
has " a little list of society offenders who might
well be underground " and who " never would
be missed. " One work is titled Trial by Jury. Another,
Utopia, Limited, involves " improving " a
South Pacific island by converting it and all its
citizens into limited-liability companies.
In Iolanthe, a character named Lord Chancellor
has a central role. (The actual Lord Chancellor
was one of the highest-ranking officials in Great
Britain.) He is always seen on stage garbed in
full wig and robes as he grandiloquently endorses
himself:
The law is the true embodiment
Of everything that's excellent
It has no kind of fault or flaw
And I, my lords, embody the law.
48 WASHINGTON LAWYER
* JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2025
True story: The late Chief Justice William
Rehnquist thought that the Lord Chancellor's
costume in a local production of Iolanthe
looked just the thing, and he commissioned for
himself a robe with gold stripes on the sleeves.
Google pictures from the Clinton impeachment
trial, and you will see the chief wearing a
knockoff Gilbert and Sullivan costume.
In recounting the lessons learned as he scaled
the heights of the law, the Lord Chancellor sings:
Ere I go into court I will read my brief
through
(Said I to myself - said I),
And I'll never take work I'm unable to do
(Said I to myself - said I),
My learned profession I'll never disgrace
By taking a fee with a grin on my face,
When I haven't been there to attend
to the case
(Said I to myself - said I!).
The Lord Chancellor applies that magnificent
legal mind to the entreaties of lovesick young
Strephon, who pleads that Nature itself has
commanded him to pursue the love of Phyllis, a
ward of court:
Strephon: My Lord, I know no Courts of
Chancery; I go by Nature's Acts of Parliament
... When chorused Nature bids me
take my love, shall I reply " Nay, but a certain
Chancellor forbids it " ? Sir, you are England's
Lord High Chancellor, but are you Chancellor
of birds and trees, King of the winds and
Prince of thunderclouds?
Lord Chancellor: No. It's a nice point. I
don't know that I ever met it before. But my
difficulty is that at present there's no evidence
before the Court that chorused Nature
has interested herself in the matter.
Strephon: No evidence! You have my word
for it. I tell you that she bade me take my
love.
Lord Chancellor: Ah! But, my good sir, you
mustn't tell us what she told you - it's not
evidence. Now an affidavit from a thunderstorm,
or a few words on oath from a heavy
shower, would meet with all the attention
they deserve.
It's all in silly good fun, but Gilbert leveled many
pointed barbs at royalty, the upper classes,
the church, the law, and dunderheads from all
sides.
I wonder what Gilbert and Sullivan would make
of the 21st-century law business. Borrowing the
music from one of their more famous patter
songs -
I am the very model of a big-time lawyer
up-to-date
My time is always entered and my pro
formas are never late
I file large class actions and I push for huge
recovery
I sharpen all my emails and I launch excess
discovery.
My pleadings are refined with every claim
and defense listed there,
But sometimes Rule 11 rears its warning,
like the instance where
I sought refuge in waiver faux and once
t'was duress fictional ...
And did not lack the fact I was personally
jurisdictional.
It would be wonderful to once again have
clever satire serve as common currency in the
land. Hey, I think it would be wonderful if we
could agree on common cultural references at
all. I look at it this way: Gilbert got into the humor-writing
business because his own career
as a lawyer was none too successful. That
sounds like the very model of a modern D.C.
columnist!
Washington Lawyer - January/February 2025

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