Washington Lawyer - March/April 2025 - 48

A SLICE OF WRY
Words to Live By
By Paul Kiernan
B
lack's Law Dictionary is
recognized as the premier
expositor of legal terms,
and as the gift that is always
welcome at graduation.
Now in its 12th edition, the dictionary is lovingly
edited by Bryan A. Garner, our country's leading
authority on legal writing and lexicography
- and himself always welcome at graduation.
But even the thorough efforts of Garner and his
dedicated editors and contributors have left
holes, missing concepts that practicing lawyers
grapple with each day. A sample:
attorney-family privilege n. Lawyer's right to
withhold information about what the law actually
requires when drunk uncle at Thanksgiving
rails about a constitutional right to print his
own currency and, dammit, Safeway has to accept
it as legal tender. Privilege also extends
immunity to lawyer who is bombarded with
questions from cousin about starting a doggie
daycare.
blew-sky law n. Sinking feeling that you
missed a deadline with that IPO filing.
blockchain block n. 1. A string of bundled articles
about cryptocurrency that you have read
but have been unable to retain for longer than
a day. 2. Slang term for inability to remember
concepts that you know you should care more
about, like quantum computing, prebiotics,
and Dua Lipa.
doesomebody n. Person needed to locate opposing
party's document production on litigation-support
software, as in " Doesomebody
know how we coded the hot docs? " interj. Frustrated
cry of senior partner as e-filing deadline
nears. Cf. whathe.
duel-factor authentication n. Series of escalating
challenges that the IT department re48
WASHINGTON LAWYER
* MARCH/APRIL 2025
quires personnel to conquer before being
granted access to information stored in the
cloud. Not to be confused with " dual-factor authentication, "
these challenges do not stop at
two and are designed to force users to surrender
short of access:
" Our firm's new duel-factor authentication
wore me down with its ninth request - for
the name of the first pet owned by my
childhood friend's mother. "
Cf. captcha gotcha.
folderitis n. Debilitating condition marked by
the need to have each piece of paper placed in
a separately labeled manila folder. And then
have those folders put into a larger accordion
folder. And then have those accordion folders
stored in a bucket folder. And then have everything
shredded.
lateral hard-pass n. Hiring partner's strong rejection
of résumé that shows unexplained hiatus
of 24-36 months and refers to " good behavior. "
litigation
bag n. Known in the civilian world as
a " sample case, " this fine piece of luggage is a
combination briefcase-supply room-rucksackrecycling
bin-first-aid kit. Typical contents include
manila folders, a rulebook, four packs of
yellow stickies, laptop cord, three ketchup
packs, and fragments of research. Gash on end.
oblitus bibliotecha n. Latin: " forgotten library. "
Refers to the strange sensation that we used to
have a library here, didn't we? Like with newspapers
on long sticks, and F.R.D. and Tax Notes,
and I think there was a world atlas and something
called Shepard's? In the space where we
now have a café and microgreens salad bar?
pen envy n. Jealousy or resentment triggered
when you see that another firm's conference
rooms are stocked with better supplies than
yours. Pen envy is sometimes followed by pad
swipe or, in extreme cases, coffee mugshots
when an attorney tries to abscond with another
firm's branded thermos.
prebill n. 1. Collection of time entries and expenses
that needs to be crafted into an invoice.
2. The larval stage of adult invoices. v. To engage
in creative writing to curate an invoice
that meets the client's billing requirements:
" Tom prebilled the hell out of the Anntee
matter. He ripped apart the associate's
block billing like he was a Lego master. And
his expense entries were prebilling at its
best: 'snacks' is genius! "
re-write-down n. 1. Intermediary step between
time entry and final bill during which
lawyer modifies description of the work that's
been performed in order to make invoice more
collectible. 2. The thin line between historical
fiction and science fiction.
Rule in Favor of Perpetuities n. A very common
law rule prohibiting the accurate recollection
of concepts first encountered in property
class. Did the guy on the horse get to keep that
stupid fox? Why did Shelley have a case? Can a
possibility of reverter become impossible?
turkey contract n. Not to be confused with
" turnkey contract, " this term refers to the implied-in-law
agreement that if you are the
guest at a meeting or deposition and your host
orders you a turkey sandwich, you agree to eat
it without complaint. See also CHIPS Act (no
one at this deposition better eat the salt-andvinegar
ones).
work-life balance n. Fleeting - some would
say mythical - state where an attorney's professional
obligations and goals coexist in harmony
with the rest of the universe. Happened
for two days last May.
zoomies n. That restless feeling after 17 minutes
in a Zoom meeting. First detected in 2020,
the condition was later surpassed by the emergence
of " I'm not camera-ready, " and " I'll be
right back but you go ahead. "
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